I had been asking my wife if she was interested in reading my blog and it kept feeling like it wasn’t that big of a deal to her to read it. This made me frustrated and when I thought about why this was I figured out that I wanted her to see me as wise. That is not to say that the reason I write what I write here is just to prove myself to her, but that that was something I wanted. I of course was thinking through this self examination within myself; my quietness making my wife think she had done something wrong. She hadn’t but I didn’t feel comfortable telling her that the reason I kept mentioning that I wanted her to read my blog was so that I may have a chance of her thinking me wise. I was embarresed about sharing this with her, and I am not really sure why it was embarressing, perhaps because part of me feels I shouldn’t look for approval from her for me being wise, or anything else other than a good husband. It also might have been just the vulnarability I would feel if I did tell her. Continue Reading…

Ask most people off the street this question, and I am sure you would hear a nearly infinite number of responses. I’m guessing most Christians would respond similarly with the occasional “Jesus” or “Helping others”.

I asked myself this question, and its something that is tough for me to answer right away. I think a lot of the delay has to do with me taking inventory of all the things or experiences (pronounced “stuff”) I have had in my life. However I then subsequently realize that, calling myself a christian, I should probably not be espousing that material items and moments in time, are what is best in my life. In my hypocrisy I don’t want to appear to others (and myself) to be as fallen and “of the world” as I am. So I resort to a Sunday School answer akin to “That Jesus died for my sins so that I can go to heaven”. Oh wow, do you feel the gravity of that statement; its about as weighty as a piece of Styrofoam. I certainly don’t doubt the validity of that stock answer, because in of itself it is truly an amazing thing, but the position of my heart, that of feeling cornered rather than one of jubilance, is what takes the wind out of the sails. Continue Reading…

So I have been taking 10 minutes each day for the past 4 days to just sit, be still, and listen for God and asking him to weed out the bad stuff in me. The first day went pretty well, but the past couple I have found my self constantly distracted by the worries of the day. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have this huge project looming over me that is due tomorrow! However it has also seemed these past couple of days that in the worried distraction, new ideas or strategies come to me for dealing with what I have to do that day. It would seem easy to assume that this is God giving me those tools, “providing me my daily bread”, but I worry (yeah I am a worry wart) that that isn’t the case and I’m just making an excuse for not having more focus and quieting my mind. Continue Reading…