My Tuesdays are pretty long these days, but for really good reasons. I wake up at 4am to get ready for a Men’s…hmm I’m not sure if I should call it a class, conference, or gathering, I will go with class. So this Men’s class goes by several names, The Quest, Men’s Fraternity, Search for Authentic Manhood; the last is a good description of what the class purpose is. Lead by Pastor Robert Lewis, of Fellowship Bible Church, AR, each week the 40 of us guys at Westport Church gather at 6am and watch the DVD of Lewis’ class. The topics covered so far have been things like, “The Manhood Journey”, “Remembering Dad” and so far 2 of the 5 wounds men need to deal with to become real men. And when I say real men, I am talking about, a masculine identity that God has ordained us to have, one that balances manhood’s four faces, “King”, “Warrior”, “Lover”, and “Friend”. Want to find out more, well come join us at Westport Church, or go to the Men’s Fraternity website and get your church to start it.
The Quest for Authentic Manhood
What is especially fulfilling about The Quest is that after Lewis leads the big group via the projection screen, we break up into small groups and really start the work of going through our issues, “Unpacking” to use the language of Men’s Fraternity. The small groups also serve as a great way to build friendships, and the bonding that I am experiencing with the four other guys in my group is really awesome! The only sad thing for me is that I wish my best friend from Cali could be up here doing the class with us. Though I suppose I would lean on that friendship more rather than trying to make new ones, which both my wife and I really need.
Everybody Loves Raymond, the Overly-bonded with Mother Wound in action
Today was about facing the “Overly-bonded with Mother” wound, something which I am sure affects me, or should I say afflicts me. If you have seen the show “Everybody Loves Raymond”, then you pretty much are seeing what this wound affects both his relationship with his mother, and his wife. Please don’t misunderstand, my mom was an amazing person and I am very thankful to her for bringing me and my brothers up in God, but I feel like since we lived apart from my dad, she formed an emotional bond with me that really should have belonged to her and my dad. This wound has pretty much lead to me becoming a passive man, an unleader (my term) in my marriage, a “feminized male” according to Lewis, and other issues that I have shared with my group, but I’m not ready to put out there to the whole world yet (maybe someday though). Anyways (yeah I say that a lot), I know my parents were trying to do what they thought would work best—I don’t doubt there caring very much for us, but it left this wound as well as the “Absent Father” wound inflicted upon me and I would suspect my brothers too. This might sound like I am just blaming my parents and trying to get out of taking responsibility, but it is not. Rather, like an old boss of mine would say, I am putting “heat, light, and visibility” on where my issues come, and not just stabbing at phantoms in a vain attempt to overcome my flawed manhood. This process of naming the unknown, gives me the power to find it, face it and God willing conquer it (which in this case, I have no doubt He is). And if I can conquer it, then I can pass on strength to my children (in particularly if we have sons) instead of handing down weakness.
One example of how I want to pass down the authenticity I am gaining from Men’s Fraternity, is to have a ceremony or series of ceremonies, for which my son can point to and say “that’s when I became a man”. As I learned some about ceremonies in the past couple of sessions, I saw how important it is, in part because of the sharp contrast of a manhood ceremony being absent from my own life. If your not sure what I am talking about, or where I am coming from, rent/watch the movie 300. I’ll wait…
A Spartan boy is taken from his mother for Agoge
Ok so you remember the part in the beginning, Agoge where the boy is torn away from his mother to go and become trained as a warrior. That’s the ceremony I mean, and if my son doesn’t live through it, then so be it! Dooooonnn’t worry I am just kidding…partly. I certainly don’t want to do anything that will harm my son or wife, but I do believe that there needs to be some ceremony that essentially calls the boy out from under the protection of women, and into the life of men. And I have no doubt this sux crunchy monkey chunks on an epic level for moms, but its part of growing a man that in his adulthood, will honor his mother (and father) the best.
Now the delicate part (read, setting the game of marriage on Legendary difficulty), talking to my wife about it ;). Though she still surprises me at times with her capacity for understanding :).
Last note before I jet off to my community group, for the guys reading, what if any, ceremony can you point to for when you knew you had become a man? And women too, I know there is a very obvious physical point for entering womanhood, but did you and your mom or a group of older women do anything that spoke to your femininity and anointed you into womanhood. (Maybe its nothing like that for women, but I’m curious 
)?
